though we fall he will always pick us up

[Gavan Johnson]

okay.. well.. I will try to keep this as concise and short as I can... my life started out pretty much from crap... I was either the only or one of two kids that was not born out of wedlock... a year later my mom was divorced from my dad and was pregnant with my younger brother Stevie... then a year after that my mom had met a guy named Dale and pretty much ran off with him to Kentucky taking my two older sisters, Stevie, and myself with her... this would have been all fine and dandy however she broke the law by doing this because my dad still had his parental rights... so at age 3 my mother, two sisters, Stevie and I were put on a missing persons list... and during the time in Kentucky... I learned how to use a lighter and play with matches... perfected the art of stealing food from fridge and what not that I had started when I still lived in Washington... I also had a drag off of a cigarette and cigar thanks to my .. at the time... immature mother and Dale... then after my 4th bday the FBI finally found me and my siblings and brought us back to Washington.. my mother then lost her ability to parent becasue she wouldn't come back to Washington... she faced the possibility of being jailed.. so custody went over to my father who then made my grandma the guardian of my two sisters and myself... my brother Stevie went to live with his paternal grandparents... from then on my life can be summed up in a timeline...
years of innocence
during this time my grandma taught me that stealing was wrong as well as biting people when I got mad
age 4- went to church for first time with my grandmother, I was really confused about why Jesus had to die on a cross and be killed, actually made me cry.
age 5- was really into God and Jesus Christ my goal was to grow up and be a preacher, didn't go to Kindergarten.
age 6-started thinking about getting baptized still wanted to be a preacher.
rebirth
age 7-still very spiritually connected with God, unfortunately had first introduction to pornography in a magazine but didn't really understand it.
age 8-I dedicated my life to Christ in December, by now I think my goal was being a construction worker.
downfall
age 9-started going down hill a bit, feelings of anger, rage, and frustration at self at world, started thinking suicidal thoughts, would choke self for the heck of it, and the prickling sensation of blood rushing back into my face which I guess let me know I was still alive.
age 10-choked self out for first time, in front of my two sisters and my cousins nobody really cared, feeling very confused and stressed outas well as the feelings I felt when I was 9, I hated fighting and avoided it, I would mentally/emotionally breakdown in an argument.
age 11-started remembering pornographic images from when I was 7, found ways of looking at it on school computers, still slightly mentally unstable.
age 12-met my best friend Tyler Johnson, delved deeply into porn and related videos, lit a fire in our bathroom because I wasn't really thinking and consequently got in trouble, I also molested my younger cousin, she was only 1.
healing and learning
age 13-still not totally stable still dealing with depression, nobody really knew because I had learned to shut off my emotions as well as not telling anyone my problems, appeared as happy go lucky kid, molested my younger cousin again as well as one of my other cousins, went to Wi-ne-ma Christian camp, it made me realize I had been doing some very un-Christian things asked God for forgiveness for moolesting my cousins.
age 14-suicidal things stopped, stopped molesting my cousins, realized it was very wrong, met Allison Knotts my first head over heels crush she told me she didn't like me but we are still very good friends to this day, still delved deeply into the pornographic world, started trying to reconnect with God, went to Wi-ne-ma it helped me again, however I still felt convictions and images were imprinted in my mind.
age 15-still looking at porn, transferred over to Heritage Highschool, played football and did wrestling, met my friends Donnie Johnson, Larry Lucero, and Aaron Cook, didn't go to Wi-ne-ma =/.
age 16-still into porn trying to break away, needed someone to tell, did another half year of wrestling, went to Wi-ne-ma met some really cool people(like Josh) who I was happy to help out and I told Bruce Jones about how I had molested my relatives and he was the first I was able to actually tell it to and still feel loved.
This year and now
stopped looking at porn, I went to camp Wi-ne-ma this year, and finally gave God control over my heart and mind and not just my spirit, met the girl of my dreams Lindsey Brezai, realized that I was the only one holding myself back, gave my full testimony at camp in my small group, realized I wanted to become a counselor, currently working on showing Lindsey Brezai that she is the woman I want to be with for the rest of my life, doing good in school adn staying on track with God.

Lessons learned
Through this whole process of living God taught me that there is nothing that I can do that will make him not love me and he also taught me how to learn from my mistakes. For example breaking my addiction from pornography made me respect females more than I did befroe because I feel a conviction about looking at naked female bodies for pleasure and so it has helped me respect girls a lot more than I used to and has made me want to try and honor them when I can. As for the molesting, it really really did hit me hard, but what I learned from it was, although God will forgive, you need to learn to forive yourself, and even though the images will always be with you of your wrongs you have commited they are meant to remind you of the lessons you learned or have yet to learn.

[Mya09]

wow that was amazing, Im so glad that u found ppl to talk to and who could help u and stuff. And ofcourse im really happy that ur with God. It had to be hard to go through all of that though. wow.

[Gavan Johnson]

it is never going through it that is hard.. it is when it all comes back and you can never forget it and you have to learn to deal with the wrong choices that is the hardest...

[Mya09]

yeah that is soo true.

[j2thc]

Bless you Little Bro, you have done in your testimony what many of us have not the courage to do. You have confessed your sins to a fellow, in this case a whole forum of fellow believers. As we know, nothing is hidden from God, but as the frail and fallen creatures that we are, we tend to keep these things hidden, even from the ones we love. So I admire the strength and courage it took for you to write your testimony. It seems God may use you as an example for other youth who face or are dealing with similar issues. Just keep your eyes on the prize my friend. Peace. Jc

[Daviddoc]

This is the concise version too... Thanks for sharing this Gavan. I know it's hard to actually sit down and write this kind of thing out. Also, thanks for sharing stuff with me at Winema this last year. I really appreciated the trust that gave me to tell me personal stuff like this.

[4ever4him]

yeah gavan i know it must of been hard for you bro.

[Gavan Johnson]

lol..
David you know it wasn't too hard to tell you ..
lol. we have pretty much been bunk mates.. lol.. every year at winema
lol. but yeah.. me and you are like best friends..
as for you Josh ... it was a little bit harder because I know in a way you looked up to me..... lol

[4ever4him]

hahaha you knew that? yeah i have bro cuz u and marky are the bros i wish i had...
u both are very special to me.

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