a testimorial devo on forgiveness

[4ever4him]

ok people this is a testimonial devo as you can tell that i made for the ctf live chat and for you guys i hope you like it.

Forgiveness

Forgiving means forgetting or so they say and what they do is true to a certain extent for some people. But others that do forgive have problems with that little thing called forgiving. For me it is that way to a extent to me forgiving means to forget but for me it is not to forget what happened because I cant really do that. For me forgetting is to forget the pain that I had went threw emotional and physical. If you truly for give some one you can at least forget the pain that I was put threw. I can never really for get what I had went threw but I can forget the pain. Trust me it is hard but you can do it. Trust me if I can you can too. It is a step we all have to take at some time in our lives. When I was younger me and my mother were beaten by her old boy friend she had at the time while I was around 6 or 7 I don’t remember the exact age. But he used to beat us whenever he came home and I would hide in my bedroom until it was my tern to get hit by the belt. That did not last long and he later resorted to trying to kill us. He came after us trying to kill us a total of three times.
It took me along time but I did finally forgive him it was hard but I did it but even when I did it was not full forgiveness for I didn’t know what forgiveness truly mean I didn’t get the chance to truly forgive him until I found the lord then I was able to forgive him I was able to truly forgive him.

Then I had a problem forgiving my self as well
ok when i was fifteen yes last year or so i was dealing with homosexuality i was full on gay. not bi not curious but gay. i would look up gay porn and all and had cyber sex at least 3-10 times a week with guys in between the ages of 16-56.
i uploded gay videos and watch them all day i even resorted to watching hentai (gay anime)
the only thing i didnt do is have real gay sex.

and i knew it was wrong but i couldn't stop stop it was so hard but i did end up stopping when i got saved last year but i started again. but i did end up stopping again cuz i knew it was against god and he helped me so much to know god was with me urging me on to fight against it.

it is a hard fight to fight and after you do its hard to forgive your self and to understand that god forgives you too.
well after i stopped i met the most wonderful person ever she is the love of my life and i ended up telling her about my past telling her i used to be gay and she ended up telling me that it didn't matter what i did in my past, that she loved me for me and it didn't matter what i did in my past i was who i was and nothing was gonna change that.
and that also helped me understand how god could also forgive us for it to...
I am no longer seeing that women no more but she has helped me a lot and I have learned a lot from her.